A Humanist Wedding

Today, in England and Wales, we can add the introduction of licensed venues, civil partnerships and (imminently) same-sex marriages to this list – but there is one other form of ceremony which is inexorably gaining more and more attention – Humanist Ceremonies.

Why a Humanist Ceremony?

Wouldn’t it be great to start your married life with a ceremony that really means something? To tell your friends and family what your relationship means to you, and why you are choosing to get married?

Many of us who aren’t religious are looking for a wedding that is more flexible and personal than a civil or register office ceremony.

A humanist, non-religious wedding ceremony gives you the opportunity to marry where you want, when you want and how you want. There’s no set script: it’s too personal an occasion for that. Instead, each wedding is tailored to meet the particular couple’s requirements. You can set the tone that’s right for you and choose your own words and music.

Humanist weddings are perfect for couples who would like:

  • A meaningful ceremony that isn’t religious
  • To marry outdoors or at a location that isn’t licensed for civil weddings
  • The flexibility to create a personal ceremony that is unique to them
  • To get to know the person who will be conducting their wedding
  • To celebrate their marriage with family and friends but without legally registering it – perhaps they have already undertaken the formalities overseas, for example.
  • So if this ceremony strikes a few (wedding bell) chords with you, then we’ve put a little information together to help you out with the basics and practicalities of planning your own Humanist wedding.
  • Those who don’t feel comfortable with the conformist aspects of a religious wedding have the option to legally marry by conducting a ‘civil ceremony’ (and have done since the 19th century) and those who want total freedom have the further alternative of holding a Humanist ceremony.

In essence, Humanist Ceremonies present a simple way to allow each couple complete freedom and control over this central part of their big day – whilst focusing on shared human values rather than traditional religious aspects.

Get married outside!

One of the major plusses for choosing a Humanist Ceremony, besides the aforementioned freedoms, is the opportunity to conduct the main part of your ceremony outdoors!

Church Weddings

With around a third of UK couples still choosing a religious ceremony, here’s our beginner’s guide to planning a wedding ceremony in church: 

What are the legal requirements for a church wedding?

Couples must be 18 to marry without their parents’ consent in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, or 16 with their approval. The ceremony must take place between 8am and 6pm, witnessed by two people.

In Scotland it’s legal to marry from 16 without consent and at any time of day, although you do still require two witnesses.

Most marriages require banns to be published before the wedding, signifying your intention to marry. These need to be read out in the parish where each of you lives, as well as the church where you’ll be married for three Sundays during the three months before the wedding.

If there isn’t enough time for this, you can apply for a license costing from £200, which you may also need if one of the couple isn’t British or lives outside England. In Scotland, you need to give 15 days’ notice with the local registrar. 

NB: Marriage and Civil Partnership laws are changing from March 2015 when it comes to giving notice. Find out more!

Are the rules different in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland?

Yes — Scotland in particular has different laws than England and Wales, while there are stricter residency requirements in Northern Ireland. Catholic churches also differ, for example, needing a dispensation if one person is not Catholic but not requiring the banns to be read.

Can I get married in any church?

For a ceremony in England and Wales, you can marry in any church if you meet one of several conditions: that either of you has lived or attended services in the parish for at least six months, was baptized or prepared for confirmation there, that one of your parents or grandparents was married in the parish, or one of your parents has lived or attended services there for at least six months after you were born. If you’ve recently moved, you’ll be eligible to marry in your new parish too.

In Scotland, there are no residency requirements so you can marry in any church you choose. In practice, it may depend on availability and the individual minister who’s likely to want to meet couples who aren’t members of the church beforehand.

In Northern Ireland, one of the couple must be resident in the district where you plan to marry for at least 14 days before being eligible, unless you apply for a special licence

Do I have to attend church before I can get married there?

Not for a Church of England ceremony, although if your heart is set on marrying in a church where you have no connections, attending services for six months — even a single service each month — would allow this.

Do I have to be religious to have a church wedding?

Not necessarily. The Church of England says anyone is “welcome to have a Church of England wedding, regardless of your beliefs… as vicars understand that spiritual beliefs are complex and varied”.

How far in advance should I book a UK church ceremony?

Churches can become booked up several months in advance, so ask the vicar or church office as early as possible, especially for popular dates. Many churches won’t arrange weddings during Lent, although this doesn’t apply to Catholic ceremonies.

How much will a church ceremony cost?

The legal fee for marrying in 2016 costs £486 in England and around £500 in Wales, which covers expenses for calling the banns, the certificate, vicar and church. Extras such as having an organist, bells, choir or flowers — as well as heating — will incur an additional cost. In Scotland and Northern Ireland there are no fixed costs.

Can I use my own vows in church?

Not in England and Wales, where legally no part of the wedding vows can be changed. However, it’s possible to include poems, readings or songs which have a special significance in the service, depending on the individual vicar. In Scotland, you can vary the traditional forms or write your own with the minister’s approval.

Can I decorate a church with my own flowers?

Yes. Most churches will be able to recommend someone, but you can also use your own florist. It’s worth discussing any plans for large displays with the vicar to check they won’t cause any problems during the ceremony.

What happens during a church wedding rehearsal?

The rehearsal is a chance for the bride and groom, as well as bridesmaids, the best man and any family and friends who are involved in the ceremony, to run through the service and make sure everyone knows what to expect.

Will my guests be allowed to throw confetti outside the church?

The rules on throwing confetti vary from church to church so it’s worth asking whether or not confetti is allowed so that you can inform your guests in advance. If confetti is not allowed, then the church might allow a natural or bio-degradable substitute.  

Can I have my reception in the church hall?

Yes, although it depends on the individual church and their facilities. However, you can also arrange the reception at another venue if you prefer.

Perfect Venues Outdoor Weddings

If you want to get married outside, then take a look at some of our favourite British wedding venues where you can hold an outdoor ceremony

Although the weather isn’t always reliable, outdoor ceremonies are growing in popularity in the UK.

If you’d love to say your vows outside, here are some UK venues to consider: 

1.      Ta Mill, Cornwall

There’s a choice of outdoor options at Ta Mill, on the fringes of Bodmin Moor, including lawns that can accommodate up to 100 guests with a wildlife pond in the background. If the weather changes, a canopy can be used on the lawn, or up to 60 guests can be accommodated in the indoor venue. To continue the outdoor theme, you can enjoy a bespoke wedding breakfast in a personalised marquee in the gardens.

2.      Heaton House Farm, Cheshire

As well as offering a choice of two barns, Heaton House Farm also has a beautiful oak pagoda available for outdoor weddings. Licensed for civil ceremonies, and with its own patio area, the pagoda has panoramic views across the Cheshire plains. Guests can be seated on the patio area with additional seating extending onto the grass if required.

3.      Laughern Hill Estate, Worcestershire

Laughern Hill Estate can provide a “complete al fresco outdoor wedding experience”. It has a selection of ceremony locations, including beside a wishing well. You could have a quintessentially British marquee wedding or a boho festival style tipi. You could dine under a vinery of real leaves and sumptuous grapes or devour a mouth-watering hog roast within the walls of a secret garden. You could even dance the night away under the stars…with your own silent disco.

4.      Careys Manor, New Forest

Careys Manor Hotel is the only venue in the tranquil New Forest that holds an outdoor wedding licence. The hotel’s elegant, custom-built wedding pavilion harnesses the traditional romance of a walled garden with its serene design and sweet floral aromas. Up to 100 guests can be accommodated here – and they will also be able to use the award winning spa facilities.

5.      Nymans, Sussex

In a peaceful country setting, Nymans is a National Trust property with a loggia that is licensed for weddings and civil ceremonies. A beautiful gothic building, with soaring arches and ivy clad walls, the loggia is set within a sunken garden that has striking floral displays. Intimate ceremonies for 30 guests can take place inside the loggia or, for a larger congregation, an unlimited number of additional guests can be seated on the lawns.

6.      Brinkburn, Northumberland

Offering an unusual historic, tranquil and quirky experience, the estate is set in a secluded wooded ravine on the banks of the river Coquet in Northumberland, with a beautiful 12th century church and stables in the grounds. Outdoor ceremonies can be held here with the sound of the birds singing and the river running as a gorgeous soundtrack to your day.

7.      Polpier, Cornwall

If you’re looking for an outdoor venue with a stunning view, picturesque Polpier on the Cornish coast has a spacious front lawn that looks down on Mevagissey fishing village and harbour. With a feature gazebo that can be dressed with flowers and decorations, up to 100 guests can be accommodated at an outdoor ceremony in the self-contained gardens.

8.      Cripps Barn, Gloucestershire

An old Cotswold stone barn has flag stone floors, an open fire place, a large south facing terrace with fire pits and a bonfire in the garden. Couples can get married either in the barn or outside in the woodland glade which is equipped with a microphone and speakers in the trees so guests can hear music and the couples’ vows. After the wedding, the barn is a perfect place to party – and there is free camping available in the field next door for any outdoor-loving guests

9.      Jollydays Glamping, Yorkshire

Although Jollydays isn’t licensed for a legal ceremony, it’s a great choice if you are a glamping fan: couples usually have a legal ceremony at the nearby village church, or at the registry office in York, and then have a humanist ceremony in the Jollydays woodland. There are three wedding packages to choose from; you could have a festival vibe, a posh vintage tea party or a romantic boho extravaganza.

Wedding Music Ideas

Now that you have got some different wedding entertainment Ideas, you may need some wedding music ideas. You will probably be planning to hire the traditional wedding band for the evening reception, but there are many other options that will enhance your big day.

Maybe you would like some sophisticated music in the background of your Drinks Reception or a Bag Piper to add a traditional touch to your wedding. Let’s take a look at some of the Wedding Music options you may not have considered:

String Quartet- how about hiring a string quartet? A string quartet could be an excellent accompaniment to the religious service, where music can play an essential role. The quartet could also be used for the evening reception, playing background music for the drinks reception, the meal and at any other times where you feel a gap may need to be filled

Jazz / Swing music – a jazz music act could be used during your wedding to maintain a relaxed environment at any stage of the reception. Jazz acts range is sizes but a jazz trio could be perfect for your wedding day.

Wedding DJ – many weddings now include a DJ after the band. As a result, many of the better bands are now offering a Band and DJ package. This will ensure the DJ will already have a feel for the audience as well as being able to use the same sound equipment to avoid any delays or gaps

Bag Piper – looking to add a traditional feel to your big day? How about hiring a traditional Scottish bag piper? The bag piper could be used before, during and after the ceremony as well as for entertaining your guests while the photographs are being taken. They can also welcome guests to the wedding reception and to introduce the bride and groom to the reception.

Solo musician- a solo musician could be a great idea, particularly if you are having an intimate wedding. A harpist or a pianist, for example, could be used to create an ambient atmosphere on your big day.

Professional gospel choir – a gospel choir could be perfect for your big day, particularly if you are having a church wedding. Your choir will provide a beautiful sound for your wedding and could perform at any stage of the service.

So make sure you do everything to make sure your guests are happy and provide them with entertainment they will love.

Find the right music for your wedding

When you begin that walk down the aisle towards your fiancé the atmosphere is going to be electric. So make sure the music you choose is not going to kill the mood of your wedding day.

We suggest that you don’t choose anything too cutting edge. That doesn’t mean to say you can’t show off your taste in music but if you choose that week’s number one hit, you might regret it in years to come. Just as you might regret wearing a wedding dress that’s heavily styled for the moment. Go a little classic and you’ll never be out of style.

There are also some things you’ll need to bear in mind when making your music choices.

You need to consider just how long it’s going to take you to walk down the aisle. It usually takes about one to two minutes for most brides to walk the aisle. So choose a piece that doesn’t have a long intro or is instantly recognisable. If you’re planning a religious ceremony, some churches won’t allow you to play non-classical music or your own music. So you need to check your choices with the vicar.

Next, you should be thinking about how your music is going to be played. If it’s in a religious building, keep it classic and have it played on the organ. Alternatively, you could organise your own musicians to full the hall with romance.

Four pieces of music to play when you walk down the aisle;

The wedding processional from the Sound of Music.

Not a religious piece so you can use it in a civil ceremony. It’s majestic, grand and dramatic all at the same time. You’ll feel like a princess when you walk down the aisle to this.

Clair de Lune by Debussy.

This is a gorgeous tune to have played on the piano. It’s quiet, atmospheric and very romantic. Also not religious, so you could have it played while your guests are being seated.

For The Love of a Princess from Braveheart.

An atmospheric folk tune that’s emotional and sentimental in the right ways. Bound to bring tears to the eyes as your guests watch you start your walk.

The Bridal Chorus by Wagner.

Well this is the most traditional of traditional music to walk up the aisle to. Everybody will know you’ve arrived when this starts to play!

Now what about after you’ve said your vows? When you’ve signed the register and you’re legally man and wife and starting the first steps on your new life together?

Here you can change the tempo a little bit, and have something that’s celebratory and uplifting.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered I’m Yours by Stevie Wonder.

This says it all really. You’ve said your vows and you’re on your way. A timeless piece that’s joyful, catchy and instantly recognisable.

Still look fabulous when you spend less

Hair accessories

Hair accessories can be a big outlay for something that you will only wear once. Instead of one expensive tiara, why not opt for a lower cost small bridal comb and a few pins or clusters of grips? These can be arranged in groups to create a high-impact look for less. Mix and match the styles to create an elaborate big day finish.

Make an investment

Why not spend your wedding accessories budget on a few key pieces of bridal jewellery that you will wear again and again long after your wedding day? Even a statement and more expensive piece of bridal jewellery will effectively cost less if you wear it lots of times!

Perfect presents

It is wonderful to include family members and friends in your wedding planning so why not ask them if they would treat you to your bridal jewellery for your next birthday or Christmas present? People are often stuck for gift ideas and love to be part of your wedding preparations.

Double up!

Make your bridesmaids’ accessories their thank you gifts. Simply tell them you have their jewellery sorted and give them a wonderful surprise on the big day. It also ensures that your girls will be wearing accessories which fit in with your wedding theme.

Borrow

If you loved your Auntie’s or best friend’s wedding dress, then why not ask if you wouldn’t mind borrowing it? 

Wedding dresses can always look different if the veils are changed and the wedding bouquet is a different colour. We are sure that the person you borrowed it from would feel very happy that the dress has been put to good use and will bring back some good memories of their special day.

We are sure you can think of many more money saving ideas for your big day – just remember less is more…

Summertime entertainment

Make the most of the sunshine and delight your guests with the best in British summertime wedding entertainment for your wedding day and evening party. Let the fun begin!

Forget high priced tickets for muddy fields and distant views of so-so bands bring the festival to your wedding instead. Set up a stage or two, pop up a beer tent and start booking your acts. The famous festival mixes its music, so you can hear an up and coming bad one set, then opera the next! Do the same; mix rock and jazz, acoustic and electro, DJs, opera singers and solo sax. Remember, that gospel choir who performed at the ceremony and the function band you’ve booked for the evening would probably love to be part of your wedding too!

Turn your wedding into a traditional fete on the lawn, with lots of activities for all ages, and a slap-up tea on vintage china in the marquee instead of a formal sit-down meal.

Give your wedding a contemporary twist with a roving street magician ready to thrill anyone with card tricks and logic-defying illusions anytime, any-place, no table required.

Keep the little ones amused for hours with the help of professional children’s entertainers. Kids can twist and turn with balloon modellers, fall about laughing with a clown, get artistic with face painters. Warning; adults always want to join in too!

Bring a sense of theatre to your festival with unusual acts, such as stilt walkers, living statues, mime artists, themed walkabout and more.

Hire some paparazzi desperate to take your guests’ photos, and get the latest scoop. Give your guests a taste of celebrity fame when the pics get posted online to a private micro-site, to view and buy if they wish.

OK, we know the weather is even more unpredictable than the best man’s speech, so choose wedding entertainment that works just as well in your venue as outside on the lawns, such as micro-illusion magicians, caricaturists or a small jazz band.

Getting it right

If you are experiencing these feelings, then you know you are marrying the right person…

You love waking up to them in the morning

Despite spending the entire night nudging him to make him stop snoring, you still love to wake up to their face in the morning. And that’s a good thing. If you can both look past the bed hair and the morning breath, you’re bossing those relationship goals.

You’re always excited to see them

Whether you’ve got fun plans to go away for the weekend, or just planning a cosy night in after work, you’re excited to see them. Number one: because you miss them, and number two: because you have fun together, even if you’re doing absolutely nothing at all.

You can’t imagine yourself with anyone else

Thinking of your past dates, you wonder how you did it. You just cannot picture yourself sitting across a candlelit table to anyone else but him or her. The fact you ever went on blind dates absolutely baffles you – you don’t even remember how to flirt anymore.

You miss them when they’re gone

Even if you have to go your separate ways for just a couple of hours or to go to work, you’ll miss them. Before they’ve gone, you’re begging them to stay and wondering why you both can’t just stay in bed forever; when you realise they (and you) actually need to go, an unnecessary number of goodbyes are said; as soon as they are gone, you’re not shy to send an ‘I miss you’ text the moment they’ve walked out the door, and several more times throughout the day.

It’s the little things

When two people know each other when, they know exactly how to tick each other’s boxes and make each other smile. It’s the little things like bringing your favourite chocolate home when he knows you’ve had a bad day, or you making sure you’ve got his favourite series on record (because you know that he’ll forget), that make a relationship that extra bit special.

You’re always on the same page

Spending the rest of your life with someone is a big commitment and it means you’ve got to be on the same page as each other. You talk about everything and know exactly what each other’s life plans are – so much so that you’ve either got the same life plans or that you’ve had to make compromises so they fit with each other. That’s love.

You’re each other’s best friends

You treat each other like you treat each of your best friends. They’re the first person you ring when something interesting happens or you’ve got some gossip to tell, and you can rely on them to respond in exactly the way you want.

So if you feel any of these things, you are indeed on to a good thing… 

Looking for hotels that ooze romance?

Ahead of the most romantic time of the year, Macdonald Hotel Ltd, one of the UK’s largest independent hotel groups, is encouraging love birds to indulge in some ‘we time’. With almost 50 luxurious hotels to choose from, each with its own unique charm, couples can cosy up in some of the UK’s most romantic spots. From Shakespeare’s birthplace, to the town which inspired a royal love story, Macdonald Hotels are the perfect place to spend time together this Valentine’s Day. Here are seven of their most romantic hotels where love will definitely be in the air this February;

Macdonald Rusacks Hotel, St Andrews

In the town which kindled the flame of romance between Kate and Wills, Macdonald Rusacks Hotel is perfect for a luxurious and indulgent break this Valentine’s. St Andrews is a must-visit destination with its world renowned university, quaint Scottish terraces and famous West Sands beach immortalized in the Oscar-winning movie Chariots of Fire. Ideal for those couples who share a passion for golf, Macdonald Rusacks Hotel is one of the greatest golfing hotels in the world, within a sand wedge of the 18th hole of the famous Old Course and with a dedicated Golf Concierge.

Macdonald Bath Spa Hotel, Bath

For couples seeking 5-star luxury, Macdonald Bath Spa Hotel offers a romantic get-away in the heart of historic Bath. With landscaped gardens, four poster beds, and a ‘bath butler’ this town which was home to Jane Austin, can create a weekend that even one of the world’s best known romantic fiction writers would be proud of.

Macdonald Marine Hotel & Spa, North Berwick

Just half an hour from Edinburgh by train is the beautiful seaside town of North Berwick; renowned for its dramatic coastline as well as independent boutiques and ice cream vendors. Macdonald Marine Hotel & Spa is housed within a glorious 19th Century building; reflecting a time when Romanticism swept through the British art world. Guests can take a windswept walk along the beach or stay cosily indoors and watch the coastline from behind the windows of one of the hotels’ 83 individually styled, luxury rooms. For couples looking to be pampered, the award winning thermal spa boasts a heated indoor pool as well as an outdoor hydro pool.

Macdonald Old England Hotel & Spa, Lake District

Macdonald Old England Hotel & Spa on the shores of Lake Windermere has unrivalled views over mature lawns to private jetties and moorings on the lake. The luxury four-star hotel proves a popular choice for romantic getaways and weekend breaks. This Valentine’s Day the hotel is offering a proposal package for guests looking to pop the question. Couples will be able to stay in a suite where they will be greeted with a chilled bottle of Prosecco and chocolates in the room on arrival. The Macdonald team will also be on hand to surprise loved ones with an engagement ring hidden inside Champagne glasses, and beds will be strewn with rose petals as an extra romantic touch.

Moving away from tradition

From the dresses to the huge floral arrangements, more and more brides and grooms are moving away from the usual traditions associated with weddings. Mismatched bridesmaid dresses, cupcakes, sweet tables and mason jar centrepieces; we have seen more couples break free from traditions over the past few years, and it seems that couples are set to push the boundaries even further in 2016!

Gifts for the groom

A trend that is really taking off this year; more brides are choosing to purchase a sentimental keepsake for their husband-to-be for the big day.

Grooms will often purchase an extra something for their bride, but now we are seeing this trend in reverse. Cufflinks have become a hugely popular choice. Practical yet still sentimental and very classic; they allow the groom to wear them on the day, and then they can be worn in the future too. 

More personality

Websites such as Pinterest have encouraged brides and grooms to put their own stamp on their wedding. More couples are incorporating their own style into their big day, doing things differently, having their own wedding ideas and giving their guests a day to remember.

Weddings have changed. They want personal touches that show off their personalities: they want vintage tea parties, rustic country settings, to wear Converse with wedding dresses and to dance in barns with bunting and hay bale seats. They are creating whole weekend events – mini festivals, almost. The traditional wedding rule book has gone and brides and grooms to be now do whatever they want.

The non-traditional dress

The overarching theme for weddings this year is “being yourself”, and this is no different when it comes to the dress. This year designers have focused on adding small details and embellishments to dresses that have never been seen before, from sheer skirts to bodice illusions, that help brides feel like one-of-a-kind.