Even though it’s all out of the goodness of their hearts, the Mother of the bride and the mother of the groom can get a little too involved in the Wedding. Here are a few things that they definitely shouldn’t be doing – where you know they’ve crossed a line…
Obviously, with their child getting married, both sets of mothers are bound to get excited. Your diaries will be filling up with lunch dates with you and your mother, or you and your groom’s mum where every single thing you could possibly talk about when it comes to weddings, will be mentioned.
It’s good to see brides accepting help from others so they get a bit of stress relief, but don’t let that mean that no part or no detail of your wedding is planned by you. It’s not uncommon to see that motherly tendency of ‘taking over’ – whether subtle or slightly more aggressive – so be warned. If you want something done in that way, don’t let your mother’s words sway you. Your day, your way – and that’s that.
As we said, by no means refuse ALL the help the offer, because at the end of the day, it’s saving you a job and it’s saving you time. But when delegating wedding duties around your friends and family members, make sure that both you and the recipient are realistic in the amount they are taking on.
No matter how eager and keen your mother-in-law may sound about taking on 12/20 jobs you’ve got on that to-do list, remember that she still is human, and her eager excitement for the wedding plans may wear out before she’s even finished her second task of writing out all the place cards. At that point, you won’t even DARE to mention the handmade favours she agreed to do…
It’s a common stereotype of mother-in-laws – both of the bride and the groom – that they can be quite… disapproving… of everything. Of course, we don’t believe in that stereotype, but there might be times where you can understand where that common image of mother-in-laws have come from.
Taking her along to your wedding dress fitting can quickly turn from a lovely and thoughtful idea, to maybe changing the aim of the shopping trip to buying an axe, and a shovel. And her constant comments about your hubby-to-be not making enough effort? Just no. If this is happening to you, calmly let her know what she is saying is upsetting you, and most importantly, don’t let it affect you!
Wear White
Oh come on! This is number one of the wedding rule book, isn’t it? If wedding guests aren’t allowed to wear white, neither should your mum. This is the point when the question will be raised, by you, by your groom, and by everyone else: “Is she pretending it’s her wedding?”.
We’re almost sure your mum would think this one through, but do ask her what she’s wearing before the wedding day actually comes.
Match with the bridesmaids
On a similar note, unless you’ve actually specified for her to do so, if your mum or mum-in-law is deliberately matching her outfits to your bridesmaids – essentially, assigning herself as an extra bridesmaids– that’s another line crossed!
If she wants to make some kind of link to the bridal party, suggest the idea of a corsage in the same colour as the bridesmaid dresses. It would be a really nice touch for the photographs, and make your mum a little bit happier. But remember, make sure that both sets of mothers go with this idea so that one isn’t left out.
From offering the bride advice and knowing exactly how to calm you down, to readjusting that strand of hair that’s a little out of place after you’ve finished getting ready, your mum should be there for you on your wedding morning! She shouldn’t show up late and think you won’t notice.
That goes for the rest of the wedding planning process, too – all the arranged appointments, lunch-time meet ups to talk about table plans, and so on. You should never underestimate the usefulness of a mum around your wedding time, and neither should she!
Wearing white on the day is one thing, but taking complete control of everything that’s going on, pointing out every little detail she helped with, and not letting the bride or groom get a word on their wedding day is on another level! Either the excitement of the wedding has got a little too much for her or her glass is getting topped up a little too often, either way, there comes a point when it’s acceptable to just say ‘STOP’. I mean, she didn’t even help with that bunting!
To be honest, we’re sure that you won’t have to deal with any of these extremes, but you might witness a few hints of this kind of ‘Mumzilla’ mode. Just always be careful how you approach it and what you say. Want more advice on that?
